How to start the next chapter when you don’t know who you are anymore?

My name is Alicia, and I’m 42 years old. Wow, that’s crazy to see written down. Does anyone feel like throwing up when they see their age? I know I do, but what makes it worse is seeing my kids age. I have a daughter, Ashlyn, who will be 18 years old in August. My son, Jayden, is almost 17 years old in September. Yes, I essentially have Irish twins; they are a year and 2 days apart.

My kid’s dad and I started dating when I was 19 years old, married, and bought a house at 23 years old. Our daughter was born when I was 24, and our son at 25. Things were always up and down for us, and we finally separated when I was 30 years old.

I am now about to be divorced for the second time, and I’m feeling really lost. I didn’t think I would be at this place in my life alone. Though I’ve been married twice, I’ve honestly been a single mom the whole time. So my daughter, who is about to graduate high school and become an adult, is both the best and the worst thing. I’m beyond proud of the woman I raised, but how do I live without them? And who am I anymore?

I read something once that said something along the lines of, you spend your whole time raising kids to teach them how to live without you, not knowing you can’t live without them. It’s true; my kids have been my ride or die since day one. Even when I was with one of my husbands, it was always the three of us against the world. I’m not even sure what I like anymore.

So, here I am, putting myself out there to hopefully bring peace to my life and perhaps help some people along the way.